Just as a relationship needs love and sex to nurture it, so there are times when lies and secrets are necessary too. Some people seem to be able to get the balance just right without really trying very hard at all, while others never do seem to ‘get it’. Yet it’s an easy trick to learn and here’s your chance, because all these things and lots more are covered in vivid detail: Why personality matters and how to work it out; Understanding the amazing differences between men and women; How to get off to a good start; How to get back on track when things go wrong; Dealing with sexual difficulties - easily; Handling a break up by taking charge and ending it elegantly. Sharing your life with another is not an easy task - in fact the surprise is not so much that it often doesn’t work but that it can be spectacularly successful! From page one onwards, you will begin to gain a stunning insight into how you can find and keep the love you’ve always wanted. Written by an expert in relationships and human nature, this book can set you on your way to true happiness.
REVIEWS & ENDORSEMENTS
“Outstanding! Not since John Gray’s book Men are from Mars and Women Are from Venus has there been a book that makes understanding the differences between men and women so easy. This book explores those differences in a way that helps the reader to understand how relationships between the two sexes can be stronger, loving and more fulfilling. I highly recommend The Secret Life of Love and Sex to every practitioner who works with relationship issues.”
Robert F. Otto, CEO International Medical and Dental Hypnotherapy Association® ~ Robert Otto, IMDHA
From the moment you start reading, it is evident that this book sets itself apart from the myriad others on the subject by posing a question right at the beginning that will make most people sit up and think! From there on, it continues to be an eye-opener, addressing many familiarly difficult situations in a fresh and uncompromising manner, each designed to help the reader get the maximum understanding of how to make changes easily.
Those who have never managed to find a truly fulfilling relationship will discover how to address the problem and find the perfect life partner. On the other hand, those who have trouble ending things when they need to will find out how to do that elegantly, kindly and without causing unnecessary pain. Between those two extremes, there is plenty of help to keep a loving relationship alive, vibrant, and rewarding. Perhaps one of the most useful sections is that on the ‘Bus Stop Syndrome’ where a relationship has become stale and arid; the advice here will help the reader to put not just one but several sparks back into the mix to rediscover the joy that existed at the beginning.
“Sex can be passionate, loving, sweaty, romantic, animalistic, exhausting, inspiring, exhilarating, quick, slow, unwilling, joyful, hard work, spontaneous, experimental, awkward, embarrassing, ecstatically crude, wonderfully rude and much more besides. No wonder it’s the cause of so many problems and difficulties!” So starts the chapter on ‘Sex and Sexuality’... This book is plain-speaking, practical and a gold-mine of information and ideas, even looking at the role that personality plays in the game of love and sex. If you’re already in a good relationship, ‘The Secret Life of Love and Sex’ will make it even better, if you’re not, then this book is a ‘must buy’!”
Fellow of the Royal Society of Medicine.
Fellow of the Association for Professional Hypnosis and Psychotherapy. (APHP)
A member of the Profession Specific Board as an advisor to the CNHC.
Chairman: Learning for Life, ( a mental health charity)
Chairman: UK Confederation of Hypnotherapy Organisations ( UKCHO)
President: The National Register of Advanced Hypnotherapists. (NRAH) ~ David Reeves
The Secret Life of Love and Sex: Making relationships work and what to do if they don’t is a book about sex and relationships. Not the how-to sex, but the sex that underlays any relationship between consenting partners and not just a relationship but a relationship that is viable in our conflicted modern world.
My first thought on reading this book was, “I wish I had known this much earlier”. With this insight and Watts’ suggestions for dealing with relationships, life could have been so much smoother. In fact, this book is a prescriptive manual useful for any individual but also as an addition to the tool kit of any relationship therapist.
Terence Watts notes that we are a product of our upbringing and our biology. We build our life and each relationship around these two powerful drivers, making similar decisions and often repeating similar mistakes. New relationships strain with the problems carried forward from the old. As Jon Kabat-Zinn phrased it, “Wherever you go, there you are.
But, what if choices could be improved and lasting relationships created? What if sex strengthened relationships in the long term Instead of fading into acrimony? What if our basic natures could be redirected to build instead of raze. This book provides the tools to help identify personality types and help each type make the choices and take the actions necessary for a viable relationship.
The tools are built on an insightful model developed by Watts in his earlier work, Warriors, Settlers, and Nomads, to help identify personality types and the inherent strengths and weakness those personalities bring to a relationship. But he takes the model further to identify personality couples that are likely to form a successful partnership – or not. Guides and contextual advice in each chapter help couples apply the book’s concepts toward a successful relationship from its creation to dealing with the death of a partner.
The Secret Life of Love and Sex flows as an easy read-through but is structured to allow the reader to reference a relevant chapter directly; an accessible and engaging read from front to back.
John Sturdy BSc, MSc, C.Ht ~ John Sturdy
The Secret Life of Love and Sex is more than just a book; it is a tool for those looking to mend their relationships. In repairing ourselves, we repair our interactions with those around us. This book offers insights into each personality type and how they react to one another. After taking a simple quiz, readers learn surprisingly accurate information about themselves and their partners and are given steps to resolve arguments, rekindle romances or leave relationships if necessary. Anyone who has ever felt frustration with their partner, whether sexually or otherwise, will find useful information within these pages.
Each chapter focuses on an individual issue that most, if not all, relationships suffer through from time to time. Using the customized personality test, readers are able to discover more about how they and their partners react to each situation and how to avoid problems in the future. If you are single and wondering why you keep having the same issues in relationships, there are simple tips to learn your triggers and prevent them in future situations, along with which personality type would suit you best.
If you feel your current relationship is beyond repair, there are steps to determine whether it is actually salvageable or if it is truly time to go. If it is truly over, there are tips for how to end it and make better choices in the future. Whether you are in an unhappy relationship, looking for a new one, or confused about your own habits, this book can teach you who you really are and allow you to make smarter relationship choices. ~ Kim Manning, Certified Medical Hypnotherapist, Focused Solutions Hypnotherapy, Michigan
Terence’s book explores the ticklish subject of love, sex and relationships in a healthy way and he has presented the material so humanely!
Comparing the books I’ve read in this genre, it seems about one of the very few that doesn’t pontificate. In my opinion it comes across for the reader as though the reader is viewing a situation where a wise person is sitting next to a struggling equal, sharing the benefits of life experiences and acquired knowledge, without blame, shame or judgment. I can see that someone who was struggling but afraid to discuss their issue, might just feel empowered after reading that they are not alone and there is a natural ‘remedy’. As well, the complete absence of blame, especially on the female, is truly refreshing.
I found it a relief that the book does not suggest that unhealthy relationships should be nursed forever, just because. In fact, it helps a reader understand when a complete break should be considered and how to accomplish it.
I will be referencing this book in my future articles and recommending it to clients as a ‘must read’.
Grace Joubarne, Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist
Ottawa and Belleville ON ~ Grace Joubarne, Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, Canada
Why has no one written this book before? It is one of those once in a lifetime gems that we have been waiting for, it will help you to get the best out of life relationships what ever age you are. This book will change your life, relationships and social interactions on all levels. The young person starting out in the world of social experience often unsure about exploring desired relationships needs to buy this book and get the most out of their relationship potential! It's not just for the young though, because even those who are more mature in a well established longterm relationship will benefit greatly too, proving that you can teach a dog new tricks! This book is of immense help for those in a relationship wanting to improve or change things or even if uncertain about how to approach a partner/spouse to discuss concerns? YOU NEED this book it will show you how. Break free of the rut people, the relationship bible has arrived!
The author has my wholehearted admiration for writing this amazing universally easy to understand and follow life guide, I truly wish this had been available years ago.
J. D. Cinderey,
Professional Therapist ~ John CInderey DHP
Terence Watts has managed in one book to create a real-world ‘warts and all’ manual that both men and women can use to navigate the often choppy and often murky waters of relationships. Each chapter is like a kind wind guiding you gently into calmer waters.
Early in the book, there is a fascinating questionnaire to alert you to your specific personality - one you probably won’t know that you have - with respect to relationships. Terence then shows through a knowledge of common pitfalls, the role of genes, and his vast experience working with clients - how to develop satisfying lasting relationships.
On one level, we know that a ‘relationship’ is not always a useful or helpful word. We are simply in the process of ‘relating’ on an ongoing basis, and the ground continues to change, as we grow and evolve. Terence deals with these shifts and real problems, gives lucid advice, and better, plenty of clear examples of effective communication across a range of styles. You will know how to communicate best with your partner, and if you don’t have one, you will know how to communicate, so you find one – and keep them.
The keen attention to detail that author brings for communicating better in relationships is significant. He also puts into context the many years of evolution that are play a role in the competing desires that men and women often have, but feel they shouldn’t. He addresses how to not only prevent mistakes, but why self-acceptance and understanding are so critical. In fact, he argues persuasively that only by being true to who you are can you ultimately relate.
In showing how to communicate better, he shows you how to identify and strike up the communication between you and the ideal partner. Want to know the best partner for your personality? Terence shows you how to identify this using clear criteria - from the body language down to the way they speak to the dress code. Never again will you pick the wrong person because you know will be able to discern their type - and know whether it is a match for yours.
Want to know the two words to use, and the one to avoid when having an argument with your partner - to ensure you don’t get a divorce? Then delve into chapter nine.
Ultimately, the author guides you through the core of a lasting mutually satisfying relationship: self-acceptance and honesty of your own needs and desires, tempered with mindfulness of your bad habits - and a willingness to have enough behavioural flexibility to make things work.
Chapter ten delves into seven important factors to keep your relationship alive. This is an essential checklist of golden rules that is worth the price of the book alone, and is worthy of anyone’s time. The author not only brings many years of experience as a renowned therapist, but also a clear writing style that is easy to read – with proven advice that is simple to apply.
This is an honest book that does not shy away from how to initiate difficult conversations to deal with problems. The author understands the many problems that people have, but also the real-world skills they need to overcome them. The four situations the author suggests that you understand to prevent long term harmony (chapter thirteen) were quite eye opening, and yet, once you have read them, you will imagine how you ever managed without knowing them.
The author includes fascinating exercises that work powerfully with your subconscious, including his work with ‘virtual personas’. The benefits of this one set of techniques and its application cannot be over-estimated, and we should be profoundly grateful for the time the author has taken to develop, share and make these as accessible as possible.
The author’s experience and expertise in the area of relationships, sexual dysfunction and effective communication based on your personality make this a valuable practical book. It is rich, with nuggets of gold ready to be mined beneath the surface for the attentive reader. ~ Richard Haggerty (RichardHaggerty.co.uk), Certified Master Hypnotherapist, Author of “Fun, Fearless Fasting”
The Secret Life of Love and Sex gives you so much more than your average book on relationships and sex. It is a fusion of all aspects of thinking by the male and female species, providing a detailed explanation of the very different thought processes and survival mechanisms used by men and women in relationships. By giving the reader a detailed yet clearly written account of the evolutionary drivers and emotions, which lie at the root of how we think, we are able to look at our partners and ourselves in a completely new light.
This book is a real page-turner giving us a unique insight into how and why relationships are formed, developed, challenged and in some cases ended.
Dominique Ampe, DHP
Professional Hypnotherapist ~ Dominique Ampe, Professional Hypnotherapist
The Secret Life of Love and Sex blows open the doors to
the real secrets of successful relationships. From the opening
pages you think, "that's me!" and then you are given the
solution. Destined to become a classic, Terence Watts takes you
where few dare to tread...
~ Kevin Hogan, Author of The 168 Hour Week, & The New Hypnotherapy Handbook
This book has a unique method for helping people truly understand their partners and their relationship at a deeper level than ever before. It can provide a wonderful opportunity to save what's worth saving, to move on from what's broken beyond repair, and the insight to know the difference. Highly recommended.
~ Melanie Faldo, CEO Red Carpet Communications
Another outstanding book by Terence Watts which is filled with exercises, assessments and advice that will help you understand yourself and others so that you can find and maintain a successful relationship - or let go of a relationship that is not working.
~ Vera Peiffer, The Peiffer Foundation
A well thought out and insightful book into this potentially thorny subject. Non-preachy and written with a light touch we can all learn something from it!
~ Professor Ursula James, Visiting professor of clinical hypnosis